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Topic: Dark Creek Rift (Read 861 times) |
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ice_cold
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Dark Creek Rift
« on: 10/05/03 at 04:21:37 » |
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Story
For months odd earthquakes have trembled Resthavens ground's and the mountains to the south of it. The elders and shamans of the communities have been baffled as to why these have occurred; in no record has anything ever been said about months of earthquakes or of great tremors that last for hours on end. As more and more earthquakes passed through Resthaven, a giant rift in the ground devoured the south-eastern portion of Mt. Fenowasty. The rift seemed to go on forever, to the other side of the mountains, a place where no one has ever been courageous enough to venture.
Within a week of the rifts developement, many scrounged up their courage to seek out the wonders of the new lands; warriors and merchants, mages and paladins, even guards and priests chose to explore the rich enviroment. To everyone's amazement, the two-week old rift already had tall trees flourishing, wild flowers growing, and packs of herbivore animals grazing. On either side of the great rift sits large, pale grey, granite mountains that scale thousands of feet up the skyline.
Visitors of the rift tell of amazingly beautiful sunflowers that stand 10 feet tall, packs of elk that aren't afraid of approaching parties, small ponds and streams with water so pure that you can see to the bottom and all the fish swimming, and of a single odd creak that is jet black. Of the people who speak of the creak, a few alarmed adventurers told of when the water was in their hands or in water skins, the water no longer was black, but a light bluish-green color, and when drank, the water not only alleviated their thirst, but healed their wounds as well. Some travelers even told of a mysterious tribal community that worships scorpions and feasts on live animals.
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Story was aided along by the help of Kharybdis
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| « Last Edit: 10/06/03 at 05:49:46 by ice_cold » |
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ice_cold
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #1 on: 10/05/03 at 08:54:42 » |
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Descriptions
differen't squares will have differen't descriptions, but will all generally be in the same facinity (that is the right word right? lol)
step in
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You are standing on the very edge of the rift. This area seems a lot more tranquil then other parts of the the mountains you just left. Vegitation here shrouds you from the rain, which it seems to do a lot here. Magnificient flowers and trees lay to the South. Sounds of animals can be heard to the North.
look around
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This is the edge of of a giant rift which seems to stretch farther then your eyes can see and wider then any city you have ever visited. Small ladybugs and crickets take cover under the canopy of towering tree's that surround you; protecting you from the constant barrage of rainfall. Other then the small insects, nothing seems to ever stay here too long, maybe its because of the shattering sound of beasts to the North, or maybe it's because the scenery to the South is just too beautiful to stay away from.
(I know it's really long, but what's wrong with long?)
Me Pages You from Dark Creek Rift (Edge)
walk in
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You are standing on what you think is a small trail. Wondering how this area became so beautiful so quick seems to elude you at this time. You can go up the ridge by going North, but also more splenders lie to the South. But then again, staying right here doesn't seem like a bad idea at the moment.
look around
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You are standing on a small trail. By observations of this area, you don't believe this trail will have much success in staying, since the grass, flowers, and trees grow so fast. Pine, oak, and elms all make this area thier home, which seems a little odd to you, and red carnations fill in the spots where trees allow them to. Something silently urges you to stay here, but you can go North back towards Mt. Fenowasty. To the South may lead to even more beautiful scenery.
look around
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You are standing on a small trail. By observations of this area, you don't believe this trail will have much success in staying, since the grass, flowers, and trees grow so fast. Pine, oak, and elms all make this area thier home, which seems a little odd to you. Where the trees dont grow, canary roses, pearl carnations, and bluegrass fill up the ground. Something silently urges you to stay here, but you can go North back towards Mt. Fenowasty. To the South may lead to even more beautiful scenery.
look around
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You are standing on a small trail. By observations of this area, you don't believe this trail will have much success in staying, since the grass, flowers, and trees grow so fast. Trees sparsly grow in this area but magnificent sunflowers that stand taller then you make an abundant stand here. Smaller flowers such as daisys, tulips, and dandilions also make this thier home along with the glowingly, green grass. Something silently urges you to stay here, but you can go North back towards Mt. Fenowasty. To the South may lead to even more beautiful scenery.
look around
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You are standing on a small trail. By observations of this area, you don't believe this trail will have much success in staying, since the grass, flowers, and trees grow so fast. Oddly, in this area, only grass grows in it, but somehow it still fits in with the rift. Something silently urges you to stay here, but you can go North back towards Mt. Fenowasty. To the South may lead to even more beautiful scenery.
Me Pages You from Dark Creek Rift (small path)
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these would be thrown throughout the rift with the walk-in description right above them and the page thats below them. Once again the descriptions are rather large, but I feel that they need to be that long to continually build up the fact that the area is very beautiful and unlike anything the adventurer has ever seen before.
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walk in
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You are standing in a patch of birds-of-paradise flowers. Their spectacular orange and blue petals hypnotize you, begging you to stay and listen to the waterfall's soothing song with them. You may go East or North.
look around
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You are standing in the middle of a patch of bird-of-paradise flowers. You can hear the water falling to the small pool at the bottom of the waterfall, which sings a constant song. The water in the pool is clearer then any water you've seen before, compelling you to drink some. To the East possibly lays more wonders such as this, or you can go North towards the city Resthaven.
walk in
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You are standing in a small field. Flowers such as stargazer lilies, bells of ireland, orange gerbera daisies, and yellow poms surround you. Oddly, you have yet to see one animal or insect around. You may go North or South.
look around
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You are standing in a small field filled with a large mixture of flowers. Multiple types of lilies make thier home here, as well as bells of ireland, gerbera daisies, poms, and roses. Even though you can smell the fragrance of the flowers feet away, you haven't seen and birds or bees around, which seems a little odd. You can go North or South.
walk in
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You are standing next to a dirty creek. Unlike the rest of the area, nothing of any kind of beauty grows here. Oddly though, animals and insects make this area thier home, taking up every niche possible. You may go back East towards the patches of beautiful flowers and trees, or South alon the creek. But then again, you could choose to tredge through the creek. Resthaven is towards the North.
again, more to come
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| « Last Edit: 10/06/03 at 03:28:59 by ice_cold » |
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ice_cold
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #2 on: 10/05/03 at 20:00:26 » |
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New items and 1 command:
(putting them before a forget...)
Waterskin
Description: A simple water cointaner made out of softened, stretched leather., Type of item: Container.
command: /fill waterskin
command useable wherever water is.
Stargazer Lilies
Description: This small boquet of stargazer lilies are pink with a light blue strip down the middle of each petal., Type of item: Doesn't do anything special, or is a key.
Mystic Water
Description: A vibrant blue water that mystically changes color when taken out of the dark creek., Type of item: Healing potion.
Soul Catcher (would be an amulet)
Armor base: 0, Can be worn by: clerics, druids, fighters, mages, paladins, rangers, thieves, pacifists, Description: Almost exactly like dream catchers you have seen before, except these are square in shape. This soul catcher hangs from a beeded necklace that hangs down to your lower chest area, Level needed to equip it: 15, Strength modifier: 0, Intelligence modifier: 0, Dexterity modifier: 0, Constitution modifier: 0, Wisdom modifier: 0, Charisma modifier: 0.
Deadskin Ring
Armor base: 1, Can be worn by: clerics, druids, fighters, mages, rangers, thieves, Description: The skin of the Emphietia tribes enemies, dried out and formed into rings that are then blessed by their priests, Level needed to equip it: 1, Strength modifier: 0, Intelligence modifier: 0, Dexterity modifier: 0, Constitution modifier: 0, Wisdom modifier: 0, Charisma modifier: -1.
Illiah Root
Description: The root of a small plant called illiah, which grows somewhere to the west of thier small village., Type of item: Food.
Alux Meat
Dexription: A dark brown meat that is eaten completely raw by the Emphietia tribe. Caution: eating raw or undercooked meat may be harmful to your health., type of item: Food.
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| « Last Edit: 10/06/03 at 05:52:41 by ice_cold » |
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Aidon
Nightmist Game Staff
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #3 on: 10/05/03 at 20:44:24 » |
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on 10/05/03 at 20:00:26, Ice_Cold wrote:
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ice_cold
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I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #4 on: 10/05/03 at 20:47:02 » |
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sorry, i was in the process of spell checking *with aid from my friend* and adding a little more content when you posted, any spelling mistakes i make, im greatly sorry for, and i thank you for pointing that out, which i quickly found and corrected 
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Kharybdis
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #5 on: 10/07/03 at 22:37:20 » |
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"You are standing on the very edge of the rift. This area seems a lot more tranquil then other parts of the the mountains you just left. Vegitation here shrouds you from the rain, which it seems to do a lot here. Magnificient flowers and trees lay to the South. Sounds of animals can be heard to the North."
This seems a bit lengthy for the basic description. Instead of trying to describe every aspect at once, try to nail the dominant characteristic and leave the details for the look description.
"This is the edge of of a giant rift which seems to stretch farther then your eyes can see and wider then any city you have ever visited. Small ladybugs and crickets take cover under the canopy of towering tree's that surround you; protecting you from the constant barrage of rainfall. Other then the small insects, nothing seems to ever stay here too long, maybe its because of the shattering sound of beasts to the North, or maybe it's because the scenery to the South is just too beautiful to stay away from."
If I was writing it I'd change "This is the edge of" to something like "You are standing at the edge of". It's a matter of personal preference, but "This is the edge of" sounds more like an item description to me. Overall the description seems good, but I think you could make it more concise while still retaining good imagery if you tweak the phrasing some. Example: "Aside from the small insects, everything surrounding you seems nearly ephemeral" or some similar word.
And to unnecessarily answer your rhetorical question, nothing's wrong with long descriptions as long as they're interesting.
"Wondering how this area became so beautiful so quick seems to elude you at this time."
The phrasing is just sort of strange here... you might want to try to rephrase that.
One other than that bugged me a little throughout this was that you dictated how exactly the user was feeling about things. Generally that's frowned upon, I think. Most of the other descriptions could stand to be a little more concise, but that shouldn't be much of a problem. Also, the spelling is a little off in some spots. Overall though, not a bad start.
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Stotic
Moderator
Nightmist Game Staff
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We Can Rise
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Re: Dark Creek Rift
« Reply #6 on: 10/07/03 at 23:11:56 » |
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^Listen to him.^
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We'll douse ourselves in gasoline and hang our bodies from the lampposts.
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